The Adventures of Captain Otter

After alot of back and forth, it looks like Transformers 3 is going to hit screens in 2011.  We didn’t know what was going on with Michael Bay, and when he was going to sign on, but he did.  The cast is returning, and we get to see more robots beat each other into oblivion.

 Sadly, I’m not too excited by this news.  It’s that I don’t love Transformers.  I practically grew up on that show.  My favorite was a guy named Defendor.  He was 5 rescue vehicles that combined into one big robot.  That was like mixing transformers and power rangers together, so it was pretty much the coolest thing a 4 year old could imagine.  It’s just that Transformers 2 was less than stellar.  The action was brilliant at times, but the plot and narrative was just a bit non-existent.

Hopefully, the plot will be better this time.  Fans are asking for a movie with Unicron in it, who is a planet sized Transformer.  This seems like a natural progression of the Michael Bay movie strategy.  He tried adding more robots, and also bigger robots.  How can he top that?  By making a robot the size of a planet of course.  Honestly, I don’t think he’ll be able to resist this one.

So what else can we hope for?  Dinobots.  They make no sense as “robots in disguise”, and the entire premise of dumb robots with incredible power is highly impractical, but dammit they’re dinosaurs.  Who are robots.  Whoever thought of that idea should be awarded a Nobel Prize in the field of awesomeness (a category they added last year, in honor of the Dark Knight).

Transformers 3 hits theaters in 2011, joining an already crowded summer of blockbusters.  We have Thor, Captain America, Green Lantern, Spiderman 4, possibly a fourth pirates of the caribbean, and even a couple of animated movies.  I’m not sure if the economy can withstand such an onslaught.  Then again, for this movie to come out by 2011, they would have to get to work on it pretty soon.  To be honest, out of the movies I just listed, I think only half of them will actually come out. 

Last night I went to see Transformers.  Sure, I did tell you guys I was going to see it earlier, but better late than never.  The movie was more than 2 hours long and boasted some of the best special effects I’ve ever seen.  Sadly, the movie’s plot and treatment of its characters was glaring flaw that made me myself in the head more than once.

 So what worked?  I can’t emphasize enough just how well done the voice acting was.  Peter Cullen was brilliant as ever while voicing Optimus, and never fails to dissappoint.  He delivers even some of the blandest lines with enough authority to make them work.  I was also happy with how they changed Megatron’s voice.  In the first movie, you couldn’t recognize Hugo Weaving’s voice after all the alterations.  Megatron’s voice was a bit clearer this time, and he got a more consistent role in the movie rather than last minutes baddy.  Other highlights include fantastic work for Starscream, Jetfire, and Soundwave.  The Starscream we all love actually talked this time, and Jetfire might be one of my new favorite robots.  A geriatric robot with a British accent and cane?  Yes, he is awesome as he sounds.  Soundwave only had a few lines, but I loved the interpretation of him as a satellite.  Making him a casset player was a bit implausible, but as some kind of evil sattelite was pretty nifty.  Too bad we never saw him transform out of it.  He was also voiced by Frank Welker, who’s probably done more voice acting than any other man alive.  He did the original voice of Soundwave (as well as Megatron and slew of other Decepticons) and was able to reprise his role from the series.  The portrayal of all these characters in terms of design was solid, with the possible exception of Devastator.  The idea of Devastator as a huge monster is cool, but I’m still used to the old cartoon version.  I guess thats just a personal thing.

As for the acting, I have mixed feelings.  I still can’t tell you if Megan Fox is a decent actress, since I’m unable to pay attention to what she says.  Shia Lebouf is alright, though he never makes me care about the character.  Strangely enough, the supporting cast was the most entertaining.  John Turturro makes a return, and his character is much less awkward.  I hated him in the first movie, but he serves as a great comic relief in the sequel.  Sam’s roommate also made me laugh, which was a pleasant surprise.  When the character was introduced, I was expecting him to annoy me and take precious screen time away from Optimus.  He turned out to be a great addition to the cast.  Sam’s parents made another apperance, and are good for a few laughs.  The military personel return from the last movie, but don’t do much besides fight and move the plot.  And I can’t believe they used the line “bring the rain” again.  I literally slapped myself when it happened.

As for the action, Bay proves he’s the master at colossal special effects.  There is one scene where Optimus takes on three Decepticons at once.  This was undeniably the best scene in the movie, filled with brutal, hard hitting robot smashing.  Too bad I can’t say the same for the climax of the movie.  When Optimus actually confronts the Fallen in the final fight, it lasts maybe 1 minute.  He tears him apart and makes it look easy.  Even though there was alot of great moments and fights, as a whole there was too much going on in some fights.  Everything became muddled and was just a big mash up.  This also sums up the plot.  The first movie wasn’t known for its flawless plot, but it had a cohesive story with a clear purpose.  Revenge of the Fallen just had so many different things happening it felt like there wans’t a plot at all.  This problem was compounded with the poor use of characters.  The main guys, like Shia Lebouf and Optimus, did get a good amount of screen time.  The villains also got a fair amount of development and were handled appropriately.  It was the secondary characters that were handled poorly.  Ironhide, Ratchet, and Arcee had maybe 6 lines collectively.  Ironhide and Ratchet are two great characters that were replaced by two goofy twin autobots.  Im not one to say this, but those twins were kind of offensive.  The teeth, the big ears, the illiteracy.  They were funny, but I understand why people are upset.  As for the marines from the last movie, they  could have been removed and it wouldn’t have made a difference.  They were there, but didnt serve a purpose.  They needed to be given more substantial roles or taken out altogether.

The movie was also hurt by a number of strange inconsistencies.  For instance, in the first movie, Megatron was incredibly powerful.  He was stronger than Optimus, and physically much bigger.  In the sequel, Optimus is noticeably stronger than his nemesis.  The movie was filled with moments that were just “off”.  I don’t want to spoil anything, but there were alot of moments that just didnt work.

So overall, the movie was enjoyable.  I think the movie could have been alot better if they made the plot simpler, rather than have it jump from one issue to the next.  The Decepticon invasion actually felt suspensful, but was almost immediately forgotten.  They should have dropped the twins and given Ratchet and Ironhide much bigger roles.  If you want to see a fun movie that with some big fight scenes and that might make you laugh, give it a shot.  If you think the poor plot is going to bug you throughout the movie, then stay away.  If you’ve seen Transformers 2, check out X-ray Vision for his thoughts on a possible third installment.

This is the match up you’ve been waiting for.  We’ve seen the Hulk take on the entire Marvel U, but hes never fought a foe quite like Optimus Prime.  In honor of the Transformers sequel, Ive decided to pit these two titans against each other. 

The Hulk is a mean, green, smashing machine.  You all know the back story, and you know that when he comes, you run away.  Hes taken on more then his fair share of robots, and usually with the same result: scrap heaps.  We’re not going to power him up to World Breaker-levels, as this is just unfair.  We’re going to be using standard Hulk strength, so something like what we saw in the Incredible Hulk movie.  Not unstoppable, but still the Hulk.

While the Hulk is a rampaging beast at best, Optimus is the epitome of cool.  An experienced leader, Optimus has fought with his autobots through hell and back.  Even without his army of unstoppable robots, Optimus is force to reckoned with. But Optimus has died once before at the hands of his nemesis, Megatron.  Sure, this is partially the fault of one of his own men, but Megatron knows how to exploit a situation like no other.  Im willing to bet the Hulk has probably died at some point, but never on the big screen.

 So who wins the face off?  Id imagine this is how it goes down.  Both contestants are ready to tangle, since its unfair to have Optimus try to reason this out first.  As the Hulk charges in, Optimus whips out his blaster and starts pounding the Hulk from afar.  The first couple of shots look like they do some damage, but the rest just get the Hulk angrier.  The Hulk finally close the distant, and lunges at Optimus.  The two collide.  The fist fight begins.  After a few punches, the two wrestle each other the ground in a battle of strenght.  As the fight intensifies, the Hulk starts cutting loose and begins to crush Optimus before lifting him above his head, and hurling him over the nearest mountain.  The Hulk screams victoriously, and preceeds to do whatever it is Hulk likes doing after a hard fought win.

 This a quick, speedy version of how I think the fight will go down.  I admit I might be a bit biased, but I love both characters and tried to reason it out.  Agree?  Disagree?  Let me hear your guys thoughts on the matter.  Optimus may be down, but hes never out.  Im sure hell be ready for round two in a moments notice.

Tomorrow the new transformers movie comes out.  At first glance, this movie looks like it has everything.  Megan Fox, Optimus Prime, robot wars, Starscream, evil revenge plots, Devastator, Megan Fox.  How can you mess that up?  At the very least, this movie will be a commercial success and have a huge opening weekend.  Im expecting at least 100 mill, but considering its opening “weekend” is 5 days long that doesnt count in my book.   

Still, the reviews have been mixed so far.  The movie is something like 2 and half hours long, and its alot of the same thing.  For a more mature critic, I can see this being a problem.  But considering Im still a little kid at heart, I can’t see myself getting tired of giant robots beating each other to bits.  I don’t want to go in jaded by reviews, and havnt read into any of them.  Then again, I was never dying to see this movie like I am Iron Man 2 or Batman 3.  Im not seeing the midnight showing, even though this is mainly due to my friends not being able to make it.  The first one was really good, it was missing something.  The autobots didn’t show up until pretty late, and the plot didnt drag me in.  Im not a big Shia Lebouf fan either.  Optimus is what brings me into see the movie, but Shia keeps me from rushing into seeing it.  For the most part, its the main actor that brings me in to see a movie.  I loved Iron Man because Robert Downey Jr is the man, and I enjoyed Star Trek because the main cast was just so likeable.  This isnt the case with the lead role in Transformers.  So as much as I love the Autobots, I just dont care about Shia.  But I hear they are supposed to get much more screen time, so that sounds great.

The other thing Im uneasy about is Micheal Bay.  I have mixed feelings about this guy.  He reminds me about a bit of a 5 year old.  The man can imagine these amazingly epic concepts and bring them to life, but the the dialogue and plot structure can feel weak by comparison.  But I am still going to go with the “sequel rule” as the basis for my expectations.  This basically says the sequel to a franchise is almost always better than the first.  Spiderman 2, X2, the Dark knight.  All better than the first.  I can’t think of a recent franchise sequel that was outshined by its predecessor, with the possible exception of Hellboy 2.  It certainly applies to comic book movies, but will Transformers 2 fit this trend?  Will the Fallen get his revenge?  Will the autobots triumph?  Will Megan Fox continue her reign as the hotest creature in the galaxy?  I can’t answer any of the earlier questions, but I can provide evidence of the last one.